82 lines
5 KiB
Markdown
82 lines
5 KiB
Markdown
George Carlin:
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Something else I'm getting tired of in this country is all this stupid talk
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I have to listen to about children. That's all you hear about anymore,
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children: "Help the children, save the children, protect the children." You
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know what I say? Fuck the children!
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They're getting entirely too much attention. And I know what some of you are
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thinking: " Jesus, he's not going to attack children, is he?" Yes he is!
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He's going to attack children. And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking;
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I know what I'm talking about.
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And I also know that all you boring single dads and working moms, who think
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you're such fucking heros, aren't gonna like this, but somebody's gotta tell
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you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and
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you've turned them into little cult objects. You have a child fetish, and
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it's not healthy. And don't give me all that weak shit, "Well, I love my
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children." Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn't make you
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special. : : : John Wayne Gacy loved his children. Yes, he did. That's not
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what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless
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yammering in the media, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow
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everything--everything--has to revolve around the lives of children. Ist's
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completely out of balance.
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Listen, there are a couple of things about kids you have to remember. First
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of all, they're not all cute. In fact, if you look at 'em real close, most
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of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too
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good either. The little ones in particular seem to have a kind of urine and
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sour-milk combination that I don't care for at all. Stay with me on this
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folks, the sooner you face it the better off your going to be.
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Second, premise: not all chidren are smart and clever. Got that? Kids are
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like any other group of people: a few winners, a whole lot of losers! This
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country is filled with loser kids who simply...aren't...going anywhere! And
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there's nothing you can do about it, folks. Nothing! You can't save them
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all. You can't do it. You gotta let 'em go; you gotta cut 'em loose; you
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gotta stop over-protecting them, because your making 'em too soft.
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Today's kids are way too soft. : : : For one thing, there's too much
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emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles,
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fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmets! Bicycle,
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baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for
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everything but jerking off. Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a
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kid. : : : What's happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby
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boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren't
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even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes! What ever happened to natural
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selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles
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doesn't grow up to have kids of his own. Simple stuff. Nature knows best!
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Another bunch of ignorant bullshit about your children: school uniforms. Bad
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theory! The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school, it helps keep order.
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Hey! Don't these schools do enough damage makin' all these children think
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alike? Now they're gonna get 'em to look alike, too? : : : And it's not even
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a new idea; I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard
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to understand, because the narration was in German! But the uniforms looked
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beautiful. And the children did everything they were told and never
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questioned authority. Gee, I wonder why someone would want to put our
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children in uniforms. Can't imagine.
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And one more item about children: this superstitous nonsense of blaming
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tobacco companies for kids who smoke. Listem! Kids don't smoke because a
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camel in sunglasses tells them to. They smoke for the same reasons adults
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do, because it's an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression.
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And you'd be anxious and depressed too if you had to put up with these
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pathetic, insecure, yuppie parents who enroll you in college before you've
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figured out which side of the playpen smells the worst and then fill you
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with Ritalin to get you in a mood they approve of, and drag you all over
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town in search of empty, meaningless structure: Little League, Cub Scouts,
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swimming, soccer, karate, piano, bagpipes, watercolors, witchcraft, glass
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blowing, and dildo practice. It's absurd. : : : They even have "play dates",
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for Christ sake! Playing is now done by appointment! But it's true. A lot of
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these striving, and parents are burning their kids out on structure. I think
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what every child needs and ought to have every day is two hours of
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daydreaming. Plain old daydreaming.
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Turn off the internet, the CD-ROMS, and the computer games and let them
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stare at a tree for a couple of hours. Every now and then they actually come
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up with one of their own ideas. You want to know how to help your kids?
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Leave them the fuck alone.
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